Sleeping With The Enemy...

An image that’s going viral on Social Media platforms of late has struck a chord with me because of its accuracy to my own nightly battle for space in bed. I’m not sure what the trigger is but something definitely happens after we've finished our cuddle and kiss goodnight, because by the time we’re asleep, the bed becomes a battleground.

Image Credit: thedoghousediaries - http://thedoghousediaries.com/3586

Now far be it for me to suggest that it’s the female of the species that needs to hog 75% of the bed but the picture above finds me nodding with familiarity. And it’s not just me – I'm sure that almost all men who share a bed with a woman can connect with this!

A standard double bed is 4ft 6 inches wide. This means that my wife is taking up 3ft 7 inches of that space leaving a meagre 11 inches of space for me. Just like mountain goats can cling to the steepest of mountain surfaces, I have become an expert in balancing precariously on the edge of the bed. This in itself isn’t too bad once you've got the method perfected. What the picture above doesn't show, however, is the nightly attacks from swinging elbows and knees that make the task all the more difficult.

What is to be done about this? I have tried the obvious methods of trying to gently guide my wife back to her own side of the bed. This usually ends with one of her elbows connecting violently with my eye socket! I think the more practical solution, though, is going to be getting a new bed and mattress and upgrading to King Size.

Of course, with that in mind, I’m still not quite sure if getting a new mattress will bring an end to my partners land grab. Will she still only require her present 3ft 7inches of space or will she insist on having 75% of the new, increased space? In any case I stand to increase my amount of bed area to over 1ft. Wow! That’s something seriously worth considering.

To add a little balance to this, I have to admit that I am guilty of snoring! I was in total denial of this until I heard myself on a recording my girlfriend made one particularly bad night. There isn’t a bed big enough in the land that could put enough distance between us to reduce the volume of my snoring significantly. However, it might go some way to explain why my girlfriend does try and occupy the vast majority of the bed.

This post was written in association with www.sleepypeople.com, THE place for a great night’s sleep!